a completely inaccurate 5e character generator. yes, technically you could play some of these, but why would you want to?

(tons of copyrighted IP in here that ain't mine, parody, fair use probably, yaddada)

the character wants are created by a separate generator, found here.

i created this generator for the prismatic corpse jam.

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Litchi the Goth Gay (Tiefling) Reinhardt
( 🧍‍♀️ / mew / her )

wields a Guts from Berserk's sword (three-handed)
is depressed and messy
loves weed and sleeping
hates boredom; fears bees
wants to sell out a noble

perfect >:3

gRUg the Vincent Price Wrestling Fan
( shit / ew / fuck )

wields a ... nope, only these fists of steel
is depressed and prone to stealing
loves hiking and sick skateboard tricks
hates reading; fears birds
wants to bury fuck partner in crime

(this was a joke yall :3)

obsessed with this i can't stop rolling for characters

the Giant Robot Fucking Rogue
( he / him / his )

wields a hand crossbow and a dagger
is rude and a murder hobo
loves rad wizard spells and cool swords
hates needing help; fears rats
wants to capture the gods

I'm sorry, HE WANTS TO LOSE A PRINCESS!?😭

the Goth Gay (Tiefling) Weed Warlock
( they / them / their )

wields a weird crystal on a stick
is depressed and messy
loves ramen and cool swords
hates reading; fears dying alone
wants to lose a princess

BEHOLD... MY ACTUAL D&D CHARACTER (wood elf paladin), CURRENTLY BEING USED IN A CAMPAIGN

Epimelides of House Carrick the Keebler Elf Kind of Annoying Religious Person
( he / him / his )

wields a custard
is super gay and always high
loves weed and coffee
hates needing help; fears spiders
wants to bestow a great gift upon someone foretold of by a seer

god so much of this is perfect. ofc epimelides wields a custard he's a nobleman who has a heart of gold (and pockets of gold too plus i'm also english so. checks out lol); he is indeed Very Gay (he CanonicallyTM likes a stableboy); not very into drugs but is the party's resident himbo so i'll let it slide; HE DOES HATE IMPOSING ON THE PARTY BY ASKING FOR ASSISTANCE; I PERSONALLY HATE SPIDERS SO HE DOES TOO; and idk abt that last bit but it sounds Lore-Rich and Well-Thought Out so i'll take it 👍

HOW DID IT KNOW????


Einar Jotunn the Catperson The Hulk
( he / him / his )

wields a bicycle (two-handed)
is kind and way gay
loves violence and sick skateboard tricks
hates hot weather; fears bees
wants to hire someone who appeared in a vision

(this is so amazing)

grogeg the Giant Goat Lesbian MMA Bro
( he / him / his )

wields a ... nope, only these fists of steel
is blunt and really cute
loves rad wizard spells and pizza
hates boredom; fears bees
wants to return to a landlord

(+1)

I know my last one was good but this....this is gold

boy the Little Weird Alien From 'Men In Black' Ripped-ass Preacher With a Big Hammer
( they / them / their )

wields a big fucking hammer (two-handed)
is friendly and a murder hobo
loves ramen and dogs
hates boredom; fears spiders
wants to rip off their partner

lilk the Human Stormtrooper
( he / him / his )

wields a hand crossbow and a huge spoon
is really cute and prone to stealing
loves ramen and dogs
hates needing help; fears heights
wants to protect a mysterious monster

You are a Stormtrooper. You always miss.

good god

this one is even better

Bob the Giant Robot Stormtrooper
( he / him / his )

wields a .44 revolver and a huge spoon
is cheerful and into nerd shit
loves hiking and sick skateboard tricks
hates needing help; fears bees
wants to live to see a queen

hell yeah

Kip the Giant Robot Fucking Rogue
( they / them / their )

wields a hand crossbow and a half-empty drink
is oblivious and a murder hobo
loves rad wizard spells and pizza
hates hot weather; fears water
wants to find love by the grace of a bear

Oh yes. This. I want to play this.

(1 edit)

Bodacious the Twink (Elf) Trash Witch
( he / him / his )

wields a codpiece
is depressed and a murder hobo
loves ramen and dogs
hates hot weather; fears dying alone
wants to kill his country

he's so relatable wow

This is so stupid, yet it's genuinely a pretty good character generator.

I just wish there was a way for it to generate names for the characters, as that's the main thing I struggle with.

the Bug Person Literal Cop (Paladin)
( he / him / his )

wields a gnarled oak staff
is rude and vegan
loves violence and cool swords
hates needing help; fears snakes
wants to avenge his grandparent

(+1)

Irene the Mermaid MMA Bro
( she / her / her )

wields a ... nope, only these fists of steel
is cheerful and prone to stealing
loves books and cats
hates hot weather; fears bees
wants to return to her twin

tommy the literal, actual kangaroo
( he / him / his )

wields a ... nope, only these fists of steel
is cheerful and an actual real live talking animal
loves beer and the beach
hates boredom; fears spiders
wants to capture his childhood caregiver

(+1)

scorch the Bug Person Ripped-ass Preacher With a Big Hammer
( he / him / his )

wields a big fucking hammer (two-handed)
is old and into nerd shit
loves books and sick skateboard tricks
hates boredom; fears combat
wants to locate a person

loves beer and beer

...hmmmmmmm

This is gonna help me with dnd characters

This is great!

(+5)

This is awesome. Any chance of getting this as an android app so I can pull it up next time I roll a character?

(+3)

maybe some day in the far future when i figure out how to code anything other than twine, absolutely. thanks!

(+4)

Amazing. When one of my characters die I'll use this for the next one :^]